Wanted: Secret Society

The Secret Society is wanted for the kidnapping and brutal slaying of family relationships. They have murdered parental authority and still hold sibling relationships captive.

The most heinous murderer of teenage holiness is the culture’s current attitude toward adolescence. In most cultures, adolescence is not a separate, divided social class as it is in the western world. Studies have shown that most adolescents in non-western cultures do not experience the feelings of alienation and angst that our teens do. American culture has made adolescence into a secret society into which adults dare not tread. One parent related a story about going to the movie “American Pie” with his son. “That was not a movie to attend with your teenaged son,” he commented. When I responded that I had heard it was not exactly a “family friendly” movie, he answered, “Well, that’s the kind of movie kids watch today, but it’s not one parents should see with them.” This father was not criticizing the movie because it was inappropriate for a Catholic to watch. He was declaring that he had trespassed into the forbidden culture of his son.

The cornerstone of this wall of separation – more impregnable than any physical or political wall in history – is the media. Teenaged media outlets such as MTV, companies that market directly to teens such as Abercrombie & Fitch, and the music and entertainment industries work together to create a culture where adults are as unwelcome as they are out of place. And parents have received the message loud and clear. If you ask any parent to recite the lyrics of the music their teenaged children listen to, you are likely to receive a vague response such as, “I don’t know. I can’t listen to that junk.” The result is that adolescents are left adrift without guidance or standards to judge the culture around them, and they all too often fall prey to the worldly and materialistic snares that await them. Unfortunately, the adult reaction to this separation is to retreat our of apathy or fear, or to attempt to isolate their families from the culture. I believe both of these reactions are mistaken.

Lumen Gentium from the Second Ecumenical Vatican Council reminds us that the vocation of the laity is to engage the culture in order to transform it. The transformed culture should remind us of God’s goodness and make it easier to live holy lives. This transformation cannot take place if God’s people blindly accept human culture as it is shaped by secular, materialistic concerns, nor if they blindly reject all of human culture because parts of it have been corrupted. Transformation of culture results from God’s people actively interacting with culture, accepting what is good and rejecting or changing what is evil. Teenagers, lacking mature wisdom, need the help adults who have experience making such judgments.

I do not believe the idea that teenagers outgrow their families, or that they need to rebel. I firmly believe that if families work on fostering close relationships while the children are young, and continue to work on developing those relationships through the children’s adolescent years, families will remain close. Oscar Wilde is quoted saying, “Children will love home if home is the most fun place to be.” Many of my students enjoy loving relationships with their families and look up to their parents with respect. Their family remains a clear guide in the world. These children are also the ones who are more likely to show clear signs of holiness.

The solution to all of these dangers to holiness lies in the same place – the family. Although they will deny it until they turn six shades of purple, teenagers desperately need strong family structure. Even though adolescents pride themselves on being fiercely independent, the classroom walls resound with the opinions, philosophies, and attitudes of the world around them, soaked up as water in a sponge wrung out in the guise of their own. If the family does not guide what the teenager soaks up, media and “teen culture” will. Families need to be strengthened. I often question the effectiveness of “youth ministry.” After all, does a separate ministry for youth not feed the isolated youth culture? In my experience, that is exactly what it does. Would it not be more effective for the Church to reach out to the entire family? The Church needs to support and equip families to lead children to holiness. In the end, however, the family will be the most effective in overcoming these barriers to holiness. Whether out of ignorance or apathy, few families seem to be actively pursuing their baptismal promises. Yes, adolescents should be well on their way to making their own responses to God’s graces, but they are not yet equipped enough to make their response completely alone. Something will influence teenagers in their decision-making. If their families do not influence them, the world will. Is holiness not too precious a treasure to risk to a world that does not know its value?